Pretty Silly

"Come home and take me in your arms..." - that is the second line of the Marilyn Hacker sonnet I posted last week. In my lecture notes, this line is described as vernacular, uncouth and colloquial. All these words have such negative connotations, like somehow the line doesn't measure up to how high-brow a sonnet is supposed to be. But it's one of my favourite lines, because it is so honest. It sounds like one of those sentiments that just falls out of your mouth in words that weren't pre-empted, something that comes straight from your heart without having to be processed by the brain first. I like spontaneous yet truthful effusions!

Lucien and I went on a mission last night - biscuit and juice hunting at 1am. What is it about late at night that awakens something crazy in me? We danced and sang our way to the supermarket, literally, until we saw some scary goths shouting drunkenly at each other in the street. We ended up with so much more than we had anticipated on.. Lucien bought two packets of raspberry tartlets (urgh) and a litre of blood orange juice for me, and I bought a packet of Venetian biscuits (my favourite) and some pineapple-coconut juice. Late nights also inspire bad eating habits.. out of all the three packets of biscuits we bought, there is nothing left. We did share them with my housemate though, who shared the late-night study-fest as he worked on his PhD thesis thing.

I wish my name was Twyla. Twyla Tharp. She's the lady above, kicking her leg out with the insane dress.. isn't she elegantly wild? I want to be elegantly wild.. I want to be the kind of woman that people take black-and-white photographs of, and they become iconic. Like Gene Tierney. I suppose she's another person who I think is beautiful... there she is to the right, her gaze like pure sensuality. My aunt Marie-Therese once said that I reminded her a little of Gene Tierney, that in one of her earlier films we looked like twins. I wish I could be as beautiful as her.

No, I'm not gay. I just appreciate beauty in general, but these women.. it's more that I wish I were like them. Unwaveringly confident about my sex appeal, self-assured, etc. I'll work on that, and maybe just maybe, I'll join the Half-Naked Thursday crowd!
Or not.

Right now I'm wearing a white cotton skirt with lace and tulle around the bottom. It has a subtle navy and red pattern of cherry blossoms and bamboo on it, and it's kind of sheer and floaty. An older woman on the tram this morning commented on it, telling me how beautiful it was and how nice I looked in it. I thanked her and smiled, but after I stepped off the tram, I felt like laughing at the absurdity of it. I feel like the most unattractive girl in the world right now.. my hair is fluffy and won't sit right, my face looks washed out and pale, there is no colour in my cheeks.. blah blah blah.
But it was enough for that woman to say something nice to just make me feel almost slightly pretty for the briefest of moments.