I have four major essays due. I have a BIG audition tomorrow, and a very scary one the day after. Lucien and a darling litle kitten that we found are waiting downstairs for me to practice my monologues and lines with, so I mustn't tarry.
Working on some big posts though, in hard copy. Will be transcribed within the week!
Friday, March 30
Wednesday, March 14
She Strikes Again
Today was oh-so-productive. I rescheduled a job interview for Friday morning, I went to an interview with a talent agent who liked me and wants to get photos done asap, then I headed off to university to do a three-week acting workshop I signed up for.
Disaster struck. I was ten minutes late to class due to some trams breaking down, and as I ran up to the closed door I heard them doing an exercise inside. A name-learning exercise. I heard names like Oscar and Leah, and then the dreaded one. The name of my absolute rival. My stomach turned and I suddenly found myself physically unable to go inside. My spirits fell a million kilometers and I skulked off to console myself with a bubble tea.
I simply cannot live in the same city as her and go to the same university as her.
We were in high school together for a year, and this is what really cemented my opinion of her. She came into our drama class, appearing fun and bubbly. She wanted to hug everybody as soon as she met them and was incredibly friendly. Then I noticed that when I was working with her, she would bitch about everybody else. From others in the class, I found out that she did exactly the same with them. She was two-faced, conceited and nasty, but we let it slide and continued being nice and civil to her.
It got worse though, and she started making comments continually implying that she was somehow 'above' the rest of the class. She was/is a good, if rather limited, actress but it was uncalled for.. especially in a learning environment.
Finally, everything came to a head when we were preparing our Year 12 Drama solos. These were an incredibly big deal... we had to think up and write a 7 minute piece to adhere to a very strict and detailed structure, then perform it for a panel of three judges. Very difficult. It was the day before our exam and we were having final individual run-throughs with our teacher; tensions were running high and everybody was on edge, but what she said was uncalled for.
Our teacher, Kath, had been incredibly supportive of us and had gone beyond what she was expected to do as our teacher. She had donated her lunchtimes, hours after school and numerous spares in between classes to help us prepare for the exam. Especially for my rival, who asked for more help than any of us and received it without a hint of gratitude.
Prior to her run-through, she began a whiny outpouring to everybody else in the rehearsal room. "This is so annoying, I knew I should have gone to (random private school in my town). The quality of teaching here is so bad, especially in Drama. Well, I'm sure that you will all understand if you get C's and D's, because that's just your standard.. but my work is really deserving of an A+ and I just know that I'm not going to get it because she didn't help me enough. I just know that I am going to fail because Ms. C didn't help me enough. It's like she doesn't even care..." Et cetera, ad nauseum. Everybody was ready to punch her - we were silently and diligently rehearsing while she raved about our quite extraordinary Drama teacher.
So I yelled at her. I told her that she was full of herself, she wasn't nearly as talented as she thought she was and that we were all sick to death of her backstabbing and bitchiness. I told her that she got more help than anybody and should be thankful.
I don't yell at people very often, and this overwhelming need to yell at her made me quite upset.. so I ran away and hid in a tree at the park until the rest of the girls in the class came to find me and give me high-fives.
What did my rival do after I yelled at her? She looked around the room and said, "Oh.. was that directed at me?"
Gah. I can't handle her encroaching on every dramatic pursuit I try for in this place.
Disaster struck. I was ten minutes late to class due to some trams breaking down, and as I ran up to the closed door I heard them doing an exercise inside. A name-learning exercise. I heard names like Oscar and Leah, and then the dreaded one. The name of my absolute rival. My stomach turned and I suddenly found myself physically unable to go inside. My spirits fell a million kilometers and I skulked off to console myself with a bubble tea.
I simply cannot live in the same city as her and go to the same university as her.
We were in high school together for a year, and this is what really cemented my opinion of her. She came into our drama class, appearing fun and bubbly. She wanted to hug everybody as soon as she met them and was incredibly friendly. Then I noticed that when I was working with her, she would bitch about everybody else. From others in the class, I found out that she did exactly the same with them. She was two-faced, conceited and nasty, but we let it slide and continued being nice and civil to her.
It got worse though, and she started making comments continually implying that she was somehow 'above' the rest of the class. She was/is a good, if rather limited, actress but it was uncalled for.. especially in a learning environment.
Finally, everything came to a head when we were preparing our Year 12 Drama solos. These were an incredibly big deal... we had to think up and write a 7 minute piece to adhere to a very strict and detailed structure, then perform it for a panel of three judges. Very difficult. It was the day before our exam and we were having final individual run-throughs with our teacher; tensions were running high and everybody was on edge, but what she said was uncalled for.
Our teacher, Kath, had been incredibly supportive of us and had gone beyond what she was expected to do as our teacher. She had donated her lunchtimes, hours after school and numerous spares in between classes to help us prepare for the exam. Especially for my rival, who asked for more help than any of us and received it without a hint of gratitude.
Prior to her run-through, she began a whiny outpouring to everybody else in the rehearsal room. "This is so annoying, I knew I should have gone to (random private school in my town). The quality of teaching here is so bad, especially in Drama. Well, I'm sure that you will all understand if you get C's and D's, because that's just your standard.. but my work is really deserving of an A+ and I just know that I'm not going to get it because she didn't help me enough. I just know that I am going to fail because Ms. C didn't help me enough. It's like she doesn't even care..." Et cetera, ad nauseum. Everybody was ready to punch her - we were silently and diligently rehearsing while she raved about our quite extraordinary Drama teacher.
So I yelled at her. I told her that she was full of herself, she wasn't nearly as talented as she thought she was and that we were all sick to death of her backstabbing and bitchiness. I told her that she got more help than anybody and should be thankful.
I don't yell at people very often, and this overwhelming need to yell at her made me quite upset.. so I ran away and hid in a tree at the park until the rest of the girls in the class came to find me and give me high-fives.
What did my rival do after I yelled at her? She looked around the room and said, "Oh.. was that directed at me?"
Gah. I can't handle her encroaching on every dramatic pursuit I try for in this place.
Tuesday, March 13
Wide Academic Sea
Just had a very lonely day. I caught the tram to uni, went to a lecture, went to another lecture, sat in the hallway reading, got a non-fat hot chocolate that burnt my tongue, sent emails, ate my lunch on the lawn behind the Asia Centre and shared crumbs with a very cute bird. I was alone all day, despite being surrounded by thousands of people with all their friends. University is an incredbly isolated place, and there isn't much scope for reserved, inhibited people who aren't gay, Christian, feminists, socialists or sci-fi addicts to make friends. I did meet somebody though. In my literature class, I started talking to a girl called Georgiana. We have practically nothing in common other than our shyness and inability to make instant friends, but we're clinging to each other so we don't drown. Luckily she is in my Shakespeare class as well.
Other than that, I am madly trying to audition for things. Nervewracking to say the least, I have an audition for The Importance of Being Earnest this Saturday. I'm gunning for Cecily - she suits me physically, I think. I have a rather open, innocent and almost childlike face, I am short and I have a rather high-pitched sweet sort of voice. And as much fun as playing Gwendolen would be, I am simply too young.
Other than that, The Grapes of Wrath is coming up soon, as are an absurdist production and a Shakespearean production. Anything is good.
Oh! I applied for an agency. Hopefully (VERY HOPEFULLY) they will grant me an audition in April. Then I have to wow their pants off and they will get me jobs! As a sort of back-up, I have an interview with some people at another agency tomorrow. These people are less 'dramatic actors' type representation, and more just people for television commercials and extras for movies and television shows. Not my thing, but I suppose saying "Also has appeared in various TVCs" on my resume is better than nothing.
Something I was thinking about a lot today has absolutely nothing to do with the proceeding paragraphs, but I thought I should include it nonetheless. I even wrote a sort of mock-up in my exercise book of what I would write on this subject, but I'm ad-libbing here.
Last year, I had a tutor who I would consider a kindred spirit. I suddenly remembered him today as I walked past where his office used to be and wondered whether or not I'd ever see him again, and again when I was sitting in the hall, wondering whether he would pass, wondering whether he would even acknowledge me. He tutored me in my philosophy subject and was practically one of the only things that could get a smile out of me for the entirety of last year. He encouraged his students to email him some thoughts and questions each week so he could tell we were actually thinking about things. My pieces eventually turned into mammoth efforts asking questions about every facet of philosophical enquiry that we would bat back and forth like tennis.
There was one event that was the only time that somebody at university really reached out to me, and I was thinking about it today. I had an essay on Soren Kierkegaard that was already overdue by days and I had done very little. I came to his office shaking like a leaf with eyes red from crying, and he whisked me away to one of the brilliant staff lounges overlooking the beautiful avenue on South Lawn. He offered nearly two hours of his time, tissues, tea, and words of advice, wisdom and genuine warmth... enough to lift me out of the depths of despair. I finished the essay the next day and handed it in to receive a high distinction, unfortunately marred by the late penalty.
When that semester was over, I continued to email him but was.. 'shrugged'. To him, tutoring was just a job and I was just a student. That is obviously the way that it works and I really shouldn't have expected any more, but I didn't realise that it would be like that. So, my friendship was cut-off, I was underestimated and undervalued and I lost somebody who could have been an incredibly friend and verbal sparring partner. Anybody reading this would think that I was in love with him, but that wasn't the case - he was somebody who I connected with more than all my annoying pretentious peers, and he was the first and only person to really reach out to me when I needed a friend. So now, I don't even know whether the mysterious Zach Weber is even still at the university, let alone in the country. So I guess this will be one of those people whose presence, albeit brief, makes all the difference in my life.
Other than that, I am madly trying to audition for things. Nervewracking to say the least, I have an audition for The Importance of Being Earnest this Saturday. I'm gunning for Cecily - she suits me physically, I think. I have a rather open, innocent and almost childlike face, I am short and I have a rather high-pitched sweet sort of voice. And as much fun as playing Gwendolen would be, I am simply too young.
Other than that, The Grapes of Wrath is coming up soon, as are an absurdist production and a Shakespearean production. Anything is good.
Oh! I applied for an agency. Hopefully (VERY HOPEFULLY) they will grant me an audition in April. Then I have to wow their pants off and they will get me jobs! As a sort of back-up, I have an interview with some people at another agency tomorrow. These people are less 'dramatic actors' type representation, and more just people for television commercials and extras for movies and television shows. Not my thing, but I suppose saying "Also has appeared in various TVCs" on my resume is better than nothing.
Something I was thinking about a lot today has absolutely nothing to do with the proceeding paragraphs, but I thought I should include it nonetheless. I even wrote a sort of mock-up in my exercise book of what I would write on this subject, but I'm ad-libbing here.
Last year, I had a tutor who I would consider a kindred spirit. I suddenly remembered him today as I walked past where his office used to be and wondered whether or not I'd ever see him again, and again when I was sitting in the hall, wondering whether he would pass, wondering whether he would even acknowledge me. He tutored me in my philosophy subject and was practically one of the only things that could get a smile out of me for the entirety of last year. He encouraged his students to email him some thoughts and questions each week so he could tell we were actually thinking about things. My pieces eventually turned into mammoth efforts asking questions about every facet of philosophical enquiry that we would bat back and forth like tennis.
There was one event that was the only time that somebody at university really reached out to me, and I was thinking about it today. I had an essay on Soren Kierkegaard that was already overdue by days and I had done very little. I came to his office shaking like a leaf with eyes red from crying, and he whisked me away to one of the brilliant staff lounges overlooking the beautiful avenue on South Lawn. He offered nearly two hours of his time, tissues, tea, and words of advice, wisdom and genuine warmth... enough to lift me out of the depths of despair. I finished the essay the next day and handed it in to receive a high distinction, unfortunately marred by the late penalty.
When that semester was over, I continued to email him but was.. 'shrugged'. To him, tutoring was just a job and I was just a student. That is obviously the way that it works and I really shouldn't have expected any more, but I didn't realise that it would be like that. So, my friendship was cut-off, I was underestimated and undervalued and I lost somebody who could have been an incredibly friend and verbal sparring partner. Anybody reading this would think that I was in love with him, but that wasn't the case - he was somebody who I connected with more than all my annoying pretentious peers, and he was the first and only person to really reach out to me when I needed a friend. So now, I don't even know whether the mysterious Zach Weber is even still at the university, let alone in the country. So I guess this will be one of those people whose presence, albeit brief, makes all the difference in my life.
Friday, March 9
Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming...
Things could be so much more simple than this. Right now I'm trying to get some photos and a resume from my laptop (no internet access) to my Dad's laptop (with dial-up, which is thrilling me more than I can say). Now: think up the most contrived and complicated way that I could possibly transfer these files, add a couple of steps and you might be close to what I am doing right now. It involves 3 1/2 inch floppy disks and trying to find non-existent USB ports.
The best part is that I am doing this so I can send snapshots of me (too poor currently for professional headshots) and my oh-so-slick resume (which doesn't actually have more than 10 credits) to poor student and independent filmmakers who can't afford to pay me even if I get the job, and will probably turn me away anyway. Such is life, but it sucks just a bit. I would prefer a great deal if I had an agent doing all this running around for me and actually having access to the 'real' casting calls. Sigh. In time, I suppose.
It is just very frustrating to sift through the limited number of non-agent casting notices for my state and see that practically all of them only want male actors, and the only female actors wanted are either middle aged or elderly.
Other than that, things are whirring away. Lucien is coming up to visit me tonight, which shall be grand. I haven't seen him for a whole week, which is a long time considering we were practically living in the same building for most of the holidays. There will be hugging and playing and much watching of films, but alas... no chocolate. I'm actually serious for once! I've been eating very very very healthily and trying to do at least 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of ballet or pilates based body weight exercises every day. So far I lost about 1kg in 5 days.. which I suppose is good. But I still wish this process would happen faster.
The theme of the moment seems to be "work hard now, results later". In the way I look, my acting 'career', school, et cetera. I'm sure I'll feel great when I actually achieve something, but it all seems so far away right now.
Maybe something great and unexpected is just around the corner. Hopefully.
The best part is that I am doing this so I can send snapshots of me (too poor currently for professional headshots) and my oh-so-slick resume (which doesn't actually have more than 10 credits) to poor student and independent filmmakers who can't afford to pay me even if I get the job, and will probably turn me away anyway. Such is life, but it sucks just a bit. I would prefer a great deal if I had an agent doing all this running around for me and actually having access to the 'real' casting calls. Sigh. In time, I suppose.
It is just very frustrating to sift through the limited number of non-agent casting notices for my state and see that practically all of them only want male actors, and the only female actors wanted are either middle aged or elderly.
Other than that, things are whirring away. Lucien is coming up to visit me tonight, which shall be grand. I haven't seen him for a whole week, which is a long time considering we were practically living in the same building for most of the holidays. There will be hugging and playing and much watching of films, but alas... no chocolate. I'm actually serious for once! I've been eating very very very healthily and trying to do at least 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of ballet or pilates based body weight exercises every day. So far I lost about 1kg in 5 days.. which I suppose is good. But I still wish this process would happen faster.
The theme of the moment seems to be "work hard now, results later". In the way I look, my acting 'career', school, et cetera. I'm sure I'll feel great when I actually achieve something, but it all seems so far away right now.
Maybe something great and unexpected is just around the corner. Hopefully.
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