Wide Academic Sea

Just had a very lonely day. I caught the tram to uni, went to a lecture, went to another lecture, sat in the hallway reading, got a non-fat hot chocolate that burnt my tongue, sent emails, ate my lunch on the lawn behind the Asia Centre and shared crumbs with a very cute bird. I was alone all day, despite being surrounded by thousands of people with all their friends. University is an incredbly isolated place, and there isn't much scope for reserved, inhibited people who aren't gay, Christian, feminists, socialists or sci-fi addicts to make friends. I did meet somebody though. In my literature class, I started talking to a girl called Georgiana. We have practically nothing in common other than our shyness and inability to make instant friends, but we're clinging to each other so we don't drown. Luckily she is in my Shakespeare class as well.

Other than that, I am madly trying to audition for things. Nervewracking to say the least, I have an audition for The Importance of Being Earnest this Saturday. I'm gunning for Cecily - she suits me physically, I think. I have a rather open, innocent and almost childlike face, I am short and I have a rather high-pitched sweet sort of voice. And as much fun as playing Gwendolen would be, I am simply too young.
Other than that, The Grapes of Wrath is coming up soon, as are an absurdist production and a Shakespearean production. Anything is good.
Oh! I applied for an agency. Hopefully (VERY HOPEFULLY) they will grant me an audition in April. Then I have to wow their pants off and they will get me jobs! As a sort of back-up, I have an interview with some people at another agency tomorrow. These people are less 'dramatic actors' type representation, and more just people for television commercials and extras for movies and television shows. Not my thing, but I suppose saying "Also has appeared in various TVCs" on my resume is better than nothing.

Something I was thinking about a lot today has absolutely nothing to do with the proceeding paragraphs, but I thought I should include it nonetheless. I even wrote a sort of mock-up in my exercise book of what I would write on this subject, but I'm ad-libbing here.
Last year, I had a tutor who I would consider a kindred spirit. I suddenly remembered him today as I walked past where his office used to be and wondered whether or not I'd ever see him again, and again when I was sitting in the hall, wondering whether he would pass, wondering whether he would even acknowledge me. He tutored me in my philosophy subject and was practically one of the only things that could get a smile out of me for the entirety of last year. He encouraged his students to email him some thoughts and questions each week so he could tell we were actually thinking about things. My pieces eventually turned into mammoth efforts asking questions about every facet of philosophical enquiry that we would bat back and forth like tennis.
There was one event that was the only time that somebody at university really reached out to me, and I was thinking about it today. I had an essay on Soren Kierkegaard that was already overdue by days and I had done very little. I came to his office shaking like a leaf with eyes red from crying, and he whisked me away to one of the brilliant staff lounges overlooking the beautiful avenue on South Lawn. He offered nearly two hours of his time, tissues, tea, and words of advice, wisdom and genuine warmth... enough to lift me out of the depths of despair. I finished the essay the next day and handed it in to receive a high distinction, unfortunately marred by the late penalty.
When that semester was over, I continued to email him but was.. 'shrugged'. To him, tutoring was just a job and I was just a student. That is obviously the way that it works and I really shouldn't have expected any more, but I didn't realise that it would be like that. So, my friendship was cut-off, I was underestimated and undervalued and I lost somebody who could have been an incredibly friend and verbal sparring partner. Anybody reading this would think that I was in love with him, but that wasn't the case - he was somebody who I connected with more than all my annoying pretentious peers, and he was the first and only person to really reach out to me when I needed a friend. So now, I don't even know whether the mysterious Zach Weber is even still at the university, let alone in the country. So I guess this will be one of those people whose presence, albeit brief, makes all the difference in my life.