Resolutions

Last year my resolutions were rather mundane. Lose weight. Get a tan. Be nice to Lucien. Find a cool job. Et cetera. They were short sentences without reason or a plan for reaching the ultimate goals, so this year is a bit different. 2006 was possibly the worst year of my short life; moving out of home into the House of Mirth, trying to cope with university, suffering horrible jobs and temporary unemployment, trials and tribulations with Lucien and not a great deal of support from people around me.
So the objective of 2007 will be for me to stand proudly on my own two feet, and the theme is thus independence.

• I will take care of myself, physically and mentally, so that I don't spiral out of control. So no more junk food, or nights of not sleeping, or days of letting myself get depressed. Instead of letting these things happen, I will actively seek good things that will bring both short and long term gain for me.
  
• I need to have more confidence in myself and my abilities and try not to let it waver, because I am healthy, young, intelligent and probably mildly attractive - there is absolutely no reason why I shouldn't be setting the world on fire right now. To do this, I suppose if I start acting as if I am confident and self-assured, it will eventually become ingrained in me.
  
• Becoming more organised will be a priority. Little things like taking off my makeup before I go to bed or putting my socks in the laundry basket, up to bigger things like actually writing down when I have to work, and making sure I keep appointments. I've taken the first step - I bought a big week-by-week diary and intend to use it well.

And now some little ones:

• No more self-deprecation.
• Regular goal setting sessions with myself so I can see where I'm going.
• Spending less time stressing out about what might happen, and more time just doing it.
• More photos on my blog.
• Getting haircuts regularly rather than waiting until I look like a drowned rat and panicking.
• Taking chances.
  
• Not telling my parents everything; it's not necessary, so I don't have to.
• Keeping my own secrets strictly to myself, and not feeling I have to get everybody else's approval.

There. Done, I think. I'm sure I'll think of some more. Hopefully this is the year where I will actually make the leap from being a confused teenager with erratic moods to young lady rewriting all the rules.

Grey Skies Overhead

Paul beat me to the punch, but did so more eloquently and imaginatively than I ever could. For details of our latest adventures, see his post!
It's just so tragic that as soon as I met him, he's leaving. And not for a little while.. forever (ok, well maybe a little less than forever). It will be unbearable.. like offering a blind person sight for a day and then taking it back, so they can spend every other day of their life feeling like it would never measure up to that one day.
Though Paul is definitely one to push the concept of fate and serendipity, so maybe it's for the best - leading to greater things later!

This weekend wasn't the greatest time to come home. My family seem to be spontaneously combusting.. right now, Ellen has run away for the weekend with random young hoons ("Full of sperm" - Larry Miller in 10 Things I Hate About You, see picture to the right), Vince is throwing a tantrum and refusing to go to Melbourne, Katie threw herself down the stairs and is giving an Academy Award winning performance on how 'injured' she is. Mom is at her wits end, understandably, but is taking it out on me. Feels like my life during high school all over again.
I'm hiding downstairs from all the yelling and fighting, but I haven't been immune by any stretch of the imagination. I have been criticised in none-too-polite language for: being a waste of space, being a disappointment, making a mess (I left my socks on the floor), etc. The worst part was when my Mom said, "Why did you bother coming here this weekend? There is no reason for you to be here, and you're just making everything worse."
So I'm not the happiest little girl in the world right now.

I will however make an effort to talk about happy things. Last night I spied a special edition green bag at the supermarket. It's not actually green - bright yellow with Radioactive Man from The Simpsons on it. I love it! It promptly became my bag-de-jour, accompanying me home this weekend.
I also found out which department I'll be working in at Myer - the Christmas department! Trés exciting. And yes, dear reader, I will probably be required to dress up as an elf at some point. There will be photos.

Uh. That's the best I can come up with. This weekend is almost doomed to be bad. It's cold, I'm not feeling very well at all, my family is on an absolute rampage, Lucien is busy, my head is inhabited by a now permanent dull ache, and my piano sounds very out of tune. I previously had so many wonderful plans that now seem so out of reach.

I was going to paint a picture on a canvas I brought back with me. I was going to wash all of my favourite clothes and pack them in a vintage suitcase and take pictures of it. I was going to take my puppy for a long walk by the river and have a picnic with her. I was going to sunbake on my back lawn. I was going to catch a bus into the city, buy some fabric and start work on the Magical Mystery Box (can't really talk about it - it's for someone who I know for sure reads this journal). I was going to invite Lucien over for a a two-person slumber party. I was going to find a stapler and some tape and make a Spring Racing Carnival outfit from newspaper. I was going to call Suki up for some Trivial Pursuit and noodles. I was going to make daisy chains in the meadow behind my house. I was going to make a mix tape for Paul, complete with narration. I was going to take a long hot bubble bath. I was going to make heart-shaped cookies with red icing for Lucien and then deliver them to him.

Alas. I'm not going to do anything now.
But at least this list is here for future reference. Maybe I'll do them once the storm passes.